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Forum - "Geez"

"Geez"

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Original Blog Post:

A guy sees a sign."Talking Horse For Sale"Intrigued,he walks up to the stable.So what have you done with your life,he asks the horse."I've led a full life"the horse answers miraculously."I was born in the Andes where I herded for an entire village.Years later I joined the mounted police in New York and helped keep the city clean and now I spend my days here giving free rides to the underprivileged kids.
The guy is flabbergasted.He asks the owner,"Why on earth would you want to sell such an incredible animal"
"The owner says because he is a liar,he never did any of that.

 
Author: Branded
Subject: "Geez"

Time: 11/1/2018 9:34:52 PM
 
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Author: jet
Subject: Re: 'Geez'

Time: 9/2/2018 1:42:54 PM

Blog Reply:

A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.” The priest says, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father, I’m Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “I’m telling everybody!”

 
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Author: jet
Subject: Re: 'Geez'

Time: 9/2/2018 1:40:35 PM

Blog Reply:

You're a redneck if: -You have more fingers than you do teeth -You cut your grass and find a car -You consider Macca's a Fancy Restuarant -Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors -Your age is higher than your I.Q. -Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?" -You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear." -You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up. -You say "Watch this" every time before you go to the hospital. -Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.

 
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Author: jet
Subject: Re: 'Geez'

Time: 2/2/2018 2:02:25 PM

Blog Reply:

"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy
you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Paddy Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
"Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me-self, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.

 
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Author: jet
Subject: Re: 'Geez'

Time: 19/1/2018 1:03:46 PM

Blog Reply:

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."

 
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